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This page will hopefully be updated soon. I have been hearing so much
about the problems people face in life and wanted to make available some
of the resources that have been helpful in counseling. This consists
of some books that I have used arranged by topic.
I Drug and Alcohol Addiction/Abuse
(Family members suffering from the abuse caused by an addict will be
treated separately).
Drug and Alcohol abuse (and other addictions) may be the most common
problem afflicting a large number of people in our society. The most
effective programs to combat addiction are those involving the 12 steps.
Any person needing help with addictions can search out and find a support
group to help them overcome their particular problem. Common groups
include AA (Alcoholics Anonymous) for those addicted to alcohol,
NA for drug addiction, SA for sexual addiction, OA for overeaters, etc.
We include here the 12 steps because of their profoundly spiritual nature.
Please seek out a support group if you need help.
The Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous
The relative success of the A.A. program seems to be due to the fact
that an alcoholic who no longer drinks has an exceptional faculty for "reaching"
and helping an uncontrolled drinker. In simplest form, the A.A. program
operates when a recovered alcoholic passes along the story of his or her
own problem drinking, describes the sobriety he or she has found in A.A.,
and invites the newcomer to join the informal Fellowship. The heart
of the suggested program of personal recovery is contained in Twelve Steps
describing the experience of the earliest members of the Society:
1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol - that our lives had become
unmanageable.
2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore
us to sanity.
3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care
of God as we understood Him.
4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
5. Admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact
nature of our wrongs.
6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
7. Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.
8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to
make amends to them all.
9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when
to do so would injure them or others.
10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly
admitted it.
11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact
with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for
us and the power to carry that out.
12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps,
we tried to carry this message to alcoholics and to practice these principles
in all our affairs.
Newcomers are not asked to accept or follow these Twelve Steps in their
entirety if they feel unwilling or unable to do so.
They will usually be asked to keep an open mind, to attend meetings
at which recovered alcoholics describe their personal experiences in achieving
sobriety, and to read A.A. literature describing and interpreting the A.A.
program. A.A. members will usually emphasize to newcomers that only
problem drinkers themselves, individually, can determine whether or not
they are in fact alcoholics. At the same time, it will be pointed
out that all available medical testimony indicates that alcoholism is a
progressive illness, that it cannot be cured in the ordinary sense of the
term, but that it can be arrested through total abstinence from alcohol
in any form.
II Male-Female Communications: The best book I have found
on this topic is "You Just Don't Understand Women and Men in Conversation"
by Deborah Tannen. This book is available at varioius bookstores and you
can check it out here:
Another one is the series of books and tapes called "Men are from Mars,
Women are from Venus". Relationship counselor John Gray focuses on
the differences between men and women--men are from Mars, and women are
from Venus, after all--and offers a simple solution: couples must acknowledge
and accept these differences before they can develop happier relationships.
A third is a series by Gary Smalley called "Hidden Keys to Loving Relationships".
This series is available at the rectory and may be borrowed from Fr. Bob
on request if available.
III For those who are suffering abuse: Emotional, Physical, or in some
other way:
A site that I would recommend for women who are suffering abuse is the
NJ Coalition for battered women. They are located in the Trenton
NJ area. They can be contacted by their webpage at:
http://www.njcbw.org/
or called directly at: (609) 584-8107 or emailed at: info@njcbw.org.
If a child is being abused physically or sexually, state law requires
that any person with knowledge of such abuse call DYFS (NJ Division of
Youth and Family Services) at: 1-800-792-8610.
Their web site is located at:
http://www.state.nj.us/humanservices/dyfs/index.html
IV Another topic which is far more sensitive and difficult to handle
is that of homosexuality. I consulted a friend of mine who is in
the psychology department of a major university. He said that with
the numbers of people touched by this personally or in their families,
it would be helpful to post this topic on the parish website.
For a person looking for help in controlling homosexual behavior, a
good contact is Fr. John Harvey who works in New York City and can be reached
through the Archdiocese of New York @ 212-371-1000. One of his talks
can be accessed
here.
For a person trying to change from a homosexual to heterosexual orientation,
two good resources are:
1. Leanne Payne, who teaches extensively on the topic
and can be reached through her website at:
LeannePayne.com.
Her best books are these: 
"The Broken Image: Restoring Personal
Wholeness through Healing Prayer"
Crisis in Masculinity:
An intensive, Bible-based treatment for those who suffer from gender
identity problems.
Another excellent author is Richard Cohen who was suffering from same
sex attraction and has been healed. His primary work is teaching
the healing process to enable those with homosexual feelings to become
heterosexual. His website is found :
gaytostraight.org
Mr. Cohen's book is called "Coming out Straight"
and it can be purchased on line by clicking
here. I came
to know Mr. Cohen when a friend of mine, who was suffering from homosexual
tendencies heard about him through a TV program. He asked my help
with the counseling and as a result, I got to know Mr. Cohen well.
He has donated some copies of his book which are available at the rectory.
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