This page will hopefully be updated soon. I have been hearing so much about the problems people face in life and wanted to make available some of the resources that have been helpful in counseling.  This consists of some books that I have used arranged by topic.

I Drug and Alcohol Addiction/Abuse
(Family members suffering from the abuse caused by an addict will be treated separately).

Drug and Alcohol abuse (and other addictions) may be the most common problem afflicting a large number of people in our society.  The most effective programs to combat addiction are those involving the 12 steps.  Any person needing help with addictions can search out and find a support group to help them overcome their particular problem.  Common groups include AA (Alcoholics Anonymous) for those addicted to alcohol,  NA for drug addiction, SA for sexual addiction, OA for overeaters, etc.

We include here the 12 steps because of their profoundly spiritual nature.  Please seek out a support group if you need help.

The Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous
The relative success of the A.A. program seems to be due to the fact that an alcoholic who no longer drinks has an exceptional faculty for "reaching" and helping an uncontrolled drinker.  In simplest form, the A.A. program operates when a recovered alcoholic passes along the story of his or her own problem drinking, describes the sobriety he or she has found in A.A., and invites the newcomer to join the informal Fellowship.  The heart of the suggested program of personal recovery is contained in Twelve Steps describing the experience of the earliest members of the Society:

1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol - that our lives had become unmanageable.
2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.
4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
5. Admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
7. Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.
8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.
9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.
12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

Newcomers are not asked to accept or follow these Twelve Steps in their entirety if they feel unwilling or unable to do so.
They will usually be asked to keep an open mind, to attend meetings at which recovered alcoholics describe their personal experiences in achieving sobriety, and to read A.A. literature describing and interpreting the A.A. program.  A.A. members will usually emphasize to newcomers that only problem drinkers themselves, individually, can determine whether or not they are in fact alcoholics.  At the same time, it will be pointed out that all available medical testimony indicates that alcoholism is a progressive illness, that it cannot be cured in the ordinary sense of the term, but that it can be arrested through total abstinence from alcohol in any form.
 

II Male-Female Communications:   The best book I have found on this topic is "You Just Don't Understand  Women and Men in Conversation" by Deborah Tannen. This book is available at varioius bookstores and you can check it out here:

Another one is the series of books and tapes called "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus".  Relationship counselor John Gray focuses on the differences between men and women--men are from Mars, and women are from Venus, after all--and offers a simple solution: couples must acknowledge and accept these differences before they can develop happier relationships.

A third is a series by Gary Smalley called "Hidden Keys to Loving Relationships".  This series is available at the rectory and may be borrowed from Fr. Bob on request if available.

III For those who are suffering abuse: Emotional, Physical, or in some other way:

A site that I would recommend for women who are suffering abuse is the NJ Coalition for battered women.  They are located in the Trenton NJ area.  They can be contacted by their webpage at:  http://www.njcbw.org/  or called directly at: (609) 584-8107 or emailed at:   info@njcbw.org.

If a child is being abused physically or sexually, state law requires that any person with knowledge of such abuse call DYFS (NJ Division of Youth and Family Services)  at: 1-800-792-8610.
Their web site is located at:     http://www.state.nj.us/humanservices/dyfs/index.html
 

IV Another topic which is far more sensitive and difficult to handle is that of homosexuality.  I consulted a friend of mine who is in the psychology department of a major university.  He said that with the numbers of people touched by this personally or in their families, it would be helpful to post this topic on the parish website.

For a person looking for help in controlling homosexual behavior, a good contact is Fr. John Harvey who works in New York City and can be reached through the Archdiocese of New York @ 212-371-1000.  One of his talks can be accessed  here.

For a person trying to change from a homosexual to heterosexual orientation, two good resources are:

    1. Leanne Payne, who teaches extensively on the topic and can be reached through her website at:  LeannePayne.com.

Her best books are these:  "The Broken Image:  Restoring Personal

Wholeness through Healing Prayer"

Crisis in Masculinity:

An intensive, Bible-based treatment for those who suffer from gender identity problems.

Another excellent author is Richard Cohen who was suffering from same sex attraction and has been healed.  His primary work is teaching the healing process to enable those with homosexual feelings to become heterosexual.  His website is found :   gaytostraight.org

Mr. Cohen's book is called "Coming out Straight"  and it can be purchased on line by clicking here. I came to know Mr. Cohen when a friend of mine, who was suffering from homosexual tendencies heard about him through a TV program.  He asked my help with the counseling and as a result, I got to know Mr. Cohen well.  He has donated some copies of his book which are available at the rectory.